2024 Mental Fitness Tool:
"Relationship tips"
We Both Win - Ahhh - so nice ☺
Your relationship is a team, a partnership. Here's how it works.
He wins = relationship loses. She wins = relationship loses.
Team wins = relationship wins = both win. Pride and power struggle kills relationships. Do you want to win and be happy together or do you want to be right, win the argument, and end up alone? If this makes sense...here are some tips for "winning together."__________________________________________________________________________________
☼ Communication -- Ask for what you want. If you want something...ask your partner. They cannot read your mind and "sense" what you want.
☼ Health & Safety -- Live free from violence, threats of violence, and threats of divorce. No exceptions.
☼ Share at least one thought and one feeling every day with your spouse....one at the very least :-)
☼ Courtesy -- Say "good morning," "please," "thank you," "how are you?" and then look your partner in the eye and listen.
☼ Respect & Dignity -- Maintain respect for your partner. No name calling, no shaming, no blaming, no screaming. Always talk well of your partner in public. Bring up areas to improve privately.
☼ Teamwork -- Make agreements together. Keep them simple and clear. Check that you both understand what the agreement means. Important things to agree on include money, sex, parenting, and chores.
☼ Spend time with other fun and functional couples (75% functional is good enough ☺). We all need role models and good examples, especially if 100% of our parents haven't been.
☼ Have one good person (same gender) with who you can share struggles and triumphs.
☼ Food & Fun -- Eat at least 4 meals together each week. Have fun together doing activities as much as you can. Silly fun together and laughing is the opposite of stress and arguing.
☼ Time=Heart -- How you spend your time = where your heart is. Relationships need regular care. Decide if your heart is in it, and how much the relationship means to you. The best ones grow deeper better, and stronger with time.
☼ Problem-Solving -- Work on difficult problems when both of you are feeling good. Talk about feelings when you are safe and under control. Together choose the solution that benefits the team. When an issue arises, bring it up, talk it up and wrap it up. "Nip it in the bud."
☼ Face reality -- Instead of avoiding things. Deal with what is really going on. Work through things - go through the conflict, through to the other side :-)
☼ Compassion -- be sympathetic towards others' emotions/struggles. Show you care by listening.
☼ Peace -- Regular crisis, chaos and upset is not good or normal. It is a dysfunctional lifestyle. Change it.
☼ Trust -- Confidence and trust are essential. Trust grows from consistent behavior done & seen over time. Seeing reliable, loving, productive choices over time = trust. Look for this and do this. If you can't, get help.
☼ Equality & Balance -- Have a good balance between time together and time apart.
☼ Pace -- Take things slow and easy. What's the rush? Married sex is the best kind ever created. Amen! __________________________________________________________________________
Going to the Lord for Wisdom - Turning to God for Success in Relationships
► Pray to God for help and wisdom or your relationship 'ship’ will start taking on water and sinking.
► Pray for your spouse daily.
► Read the Word of God daily.
► Pray together daily. Couples that pray together usually don't need someone like me (a professional counselor) because they have the Ultimate Counselor. And if they both submit to God, it ends the power struggle between man and wife...and guess what?....win win win!
► Learn your spouse's love language and do it. (Time, service, touch, words, etc.). Tell your spouse what your love language.http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
► If you feel like you are not getting your needs met....tell God and then tell your spouse. Actually face your relationship problems instead of trying to get your needs met elsewhere. Men and ladies...be assertive and communicate - so you don't end up acting weak and passive, bitter, resentful, aggressive, or turning to a cheap substitute to genuine intimacy, such as drinking, cheating, or porn. __________________________________________________________________________
And if you have kids:
1. Adult procedures are clear and with clear results. Children should know what to expect as natural and logical results of their choices. Kids do well with consistency. Knowing every time they do action "A," then result "B" will happen, it shapes behavioral choices, just like for us :-).
2. Parenting policies work best when they are fair, firm, fun, and flexible. Like strong structures able to withstand earthquakes, flexible rules can be adapted, but do not collapse. Flexibility refers to ability to bend and adapt, but not to be pushed around. Think of strong building in earthquake zones.
Your relationship is a team, a partnership. Here's how it works.
He wins = relationship loses. She wins = relationship loses.
Team wins = relationship wins = both win. Pride and power struggle kills relationships. Do you want to win and be happy together or do you want to be right, win the argument, and end up alone? If this makes sense...here are some tips for "winning together."__________________________________________________________________________________
☼ Communication -- Ask for what you want. If you want something...ask your partner. They cannot read your mind and "sense" what you want.
☼ Health & Safety -- Live free from violence, threats of violence, and threats of divorce. No exceptions.
☼ Share at least one thought and one feeling every day with your spouse....one at the very least :-)
☼ Courtesy -- Say "good morning," "please," "thank you," "how are you?" and then look your partner in the eye and listen.
☼ Respect & Dignity -- Maintain respect for your partner. No name calling, no shaming, no blaming, no screaming. Always talk well of your partner in public. Bring up areas to improve privately.
☼ Teamwork -- Make agreements together. Keep them simple and clear. Check that you both understand what the agreement means. Important things to agree on include money, sex, parenting, and chores.
☼ Spend time with other fun and functional couples (75% functional is good enough ☺). We all need role models and good examples, especially if 100% of our parents haven't been.
☼ Have one good person (same gender) with who you can share struggles and triumphs.
☼ Food & Fun -- Eat at least 4 meals together each week. Have fun together doing activities as much as you can. Silly fun together and laughing is the opposite of stress and arguing.
☼ Time=Heart -- How you spend your time = where your heart is. Relationships need regular care. Decide if your heart is in it, and how much the relationship means to you. The best ones grow deeper better, and stronger with time.
☼ Problem-Solving -- Work on difficult problems when both of you are feeling good. Talk about feelings when you are safe and under control. Together choose the solution that benefits the team. When an issue arises, bring it up, talk it up and wrap it up. "Nip it in the bud."
☼ Face reality -- Instead of avoiding things. Deal with what is really going on. Work through things - go through the conflict, through to the other side :-)
☼ Compassion -- be sympathetic towards others' emotions/struggles. Show you care by listening.
☼ Peace -- Regular crisis, chaos and upset is not good or normal. It is a dysfunctional lifestyle. Change it.
☼ Trust -- Confidence and trust are essential. Trust grows from consistent behavior done & seen over time. Seeing reliable, loving, productive choices over time = trust. Look for this and do this. If you can't, get help.
☼ Equality & Balance -- Have a good balance between time together and time apart.
☼ Pace -- Take things slow and easy. What's the rush? Married sex is the best kind ever created. Amen! __________________________________________________________________________
Going to the Lord for Wisdom - Turning to God for Success in Relationships
► Pray to God for help and wisdom or your relationship 'ship’ will start taking on water and sinking.
► Pray for your spouse daily.
► Read the Word of God daily.
► Pray together daily. Couples that pray together usually don't need someone like me (a professional counselor) because they have the Ultimate Counselor. And if they both submit to God, it ends the power struggle between man and wife...and guess what?....win win win!
► Learn your spouse's love language and do it. (Time, service, touch, words, etc.). Tell your spouse what your love language.http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
► If you feel like you are not getting your needs met....tell God and then tell your spouse. Actually face your relationship problems instead of trying to get your needs met elsewhere. Men and ladies...be assertive and communicate - so you don't end up acting weak and passive, bitter, resentful, aggressive, or turning to a cheap substitute to genuine intimacy, such as drinking, cheating, or porn. __________________________________________________________________________
And if you have kids:
1. Adult procedures are clear and with clear results. Children should know what to expect as natural and logical results of their choices. Kids do well with consistency. Knowing every time they do action "A," then result "B" will happen, it shapes behavioral choices, just like for us :-).
2. Parenting policies work best when they are fair, firm, fun, and flexible. Like strong structures able to withstand earthquakes, flexible rules can be adapted, but do not collapse. Flexibility refers to ability to bend and adapt, but not to be pushed around. Think of strong building in earthquake zones.
