2025 Mental Fitness Tool:
"Relationship tips"
Communication: The Speaker-Listener Technique
Do you want to communicate better and enjoy your relationships more? Practice this communication technique to feel heard, reduce frustration and become a great listener._____________________________________________________________________________________
Rules for the Speaker
1. The Speaker should speak for himself. Don’t mind read
-Mind reading is when you tell someone what s/he is thinking, wanting, or feeling.
-(Avoid) mind-reading statements like: “You don’t care what I want.”
-Speaking for oneself (preferred): “I don’t feel cared for.”
2. Keep statements short.
-Try to verbalize only one thought, topic or issue at a time, approx. 3 sentences.
3. Stop to let the Listener paraphrase
4. What to talk about
-In the beginning, choose topics that are positive or neutral.
-Avoid topics that are emotionally charged until you feel confident with the technique
-Suggestion: talk about an experience you had and how it impacted you, such as an interesting news bit you heard, a compliment you want to give your partner, etc.
-Include what you thought and/or how you felt about the event.
Rules for the Listener
1. Paraphrase what you hear
-Paraphrase – thoughtfully restate what is heard in your own words
-When paraphrasing, remember to find a balance between “parroting” what the Speaker is saying and totally putting your own meaning to the message.
-It’s good to use some of the exact words in your paraphrasing, especially feeling words.
2. Focus on the Speaker’s message
-Don’t be thinking about what you want to say in response
-Focus on understanding what you are hearing
-Don’t think about whether you agree or disagree
-You don’t have to agree with what is being said.
3. As the Listener, if you are feeling overwhelmed by the amount of information being shared by the Speaker, it is your responsibility to say, “Okay, let me stop you here and try to see if I got it.”
4. Examples of paraphrasing:
-Providing an accurate summary of the speaker’s message
-Take the last thing they said and put it first in your paraphrase and work back to the first thing they said. This is an easy way to rephrase the speaker’s message.
Rules for Both
1. The Speaker has the floor – they decide the topic of conversation
-Even though the Listener speaks, they are only paraphrasing what the Speaker is saying, not saying what they want.
2. Share the floor. -After the Speaker has shared 2 important messages and feels that the Listener has paraphrased accurately, switch roles.
Do you want to communicate better and enjoy your relationships more? Practice this communication technique to feel heard, reduce frustration and become a great listener._____________________________________________________________________________________
Rules for the Speaker
1. The Speaker should speak for himself. Don’t mind read
-Mind reading is when you tell someone what s/he is thinking, wanting, or feeling.
-(Avoid) mind-reading statements like: “You don’t care what I want.”
-Speaking for oneself (preferred): “I don’t feel cared for.”
2. Keep statements short.
-Try to verbalize only one thought, topic or issue at a time, approx. 3 sentences.
3. Stop to let the Listener paraphrase
4. What to talk about
-In the beginning, choose topics that are positive or neutral.
-Avoid topics that are emotionally charged until you feel confident with the technique
-Suggestion: talk about an experience you had and how it impacted you, such as an interesting news bit you heard, a compliment you want to give your partner, etc.
-Include what you thought and/or how you felt about the event.
Rules for the Listener
1. Paraphrase what you hear
-Paraphrase – thoughtfully restate what is heard in your own words
-When paraphrasing, remember to find a balance between “parroting” what the Speaker is saying and totally putting your own meaning to the message.
-It’s good to use some of the exact words in your paraphrasing, especially feeling words.
2. Focus on the Speaker’s message
-Don’t be thinking about what you want to say in response
-Focus on understanding what you are hearing
-Don’t think about whether you agree or disagree
-You don’t have to agree with what is being said.
3. As the Listener, if you are feeling overwhelmed by the amount of information being shared by the Speaker, it is your responsibility to say, “Okay, let me stop you here and try to see if I got it.”
4. Examples of paraphrasing:
-Providing an accurate summary of the speaker’s message
-Take the last thing they said and put it first in your paraphrase and work back to the first thing they said. This is an easy way to rephrase the speaker’s message.
Rules for Both
1. The Speaker has the floor – they decide the topic of conversation
-Even though the Listener speaks, they are only paraphrasing what the Speaker is saying, not saying what they want.
2. Share the floor. -After the Speaker has shared 2 important messages and feels that the Listener has paraphrased accurately, switch roles.
